I'm turning fourteen, I think I'm turning fourteen (I really think so)

Yout is gift wasted on the young...

Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm 22 years old. I'm no where near my prime. But I find myself in envy of the kids sometimes. What do they have to worry about? Bullies, puberty, a lack of candy? Who knows. All I know is that my life got a little too complicated around the time I started doing adult things like drinking and ... well you know...*whistle* moving on.

So this month and next, I've dedicated myself to rejuvenating the child-like spirit. I realized that when I was in the job hunt, I wasn't worried about my future career, I was upset that I had to leave the kid stuff behind. So my plan is to slowly but surely turn back time. I make enough money to support this kooky idea. So take out your pens because here it is:

1. ) I started playing darts on a Saturday night at a bar. Now, I know you're asking, "Don, that's a grown up activity." Well, guess again. First off, its digital darts. The dartboard is in Japanese and I swear if put in an extra fifty cents, the machine will do your math homework. But, grown men playing a video game at a bar where there are lots of girls around is definitely kids stuff.

2.) I leave a vat of ice cream in my freezer. Not to binge on but so when I wake up in the morning, I can grab a spoon and take a bite. So when my kids ask me what I had for breakfast, I say "ice cream" and then laugh. Their jealousy and envy makes the day go by faster.

3.) Along the lines making children jealous, when Angelo and I are on a subway, we'll speak loudly in English until a child sees us. Then when we have his/her attention, we give each other a big high five, like its the greatest thing in the world. Kid get jealous and our mission is complete.

4.) I bought a new laptop last Sunday. So what do I do with it? Download hoards of porn? Chat with hot babes all day long? Nope. I install my favorite Korean video game: Kart Rider (A Mario-Kart knockoff which I'll discuss later) and challenge my students to races online. And when I win, I make sure to throw in a witty comment like "hah, is that the best you got?" or "man, this is too easy!" or my favorite "in your FACE!"

So after writing this I realized that most of my newfound childhood is spend making fun of children or lowering their self-esteem. I suppose as a teacher, I should probably stop.

(too bad its way too fun.)

*Some facts of this article were fabricated for the sake of humor. But I don't regret writing any of it. Oh, and the title is a reference to The Vapors hit "Turning Japanese"...its a reach but I had to use it. Have a great day!*